Research?

I have been doing extensive research. By extensive I mean that I have talked to several other parents of twins – which is about as extensive as my time allows. Ha ha. My conclusion is that not a single one of them liked when someone compared their children! Whew! I thought I was feeling something out of line when I become emotionally charged when someone comments that “He likes the swing and she likes the bouncer.”  I will admit that I probably feel too much emotion at this point as mentally I am thinking “You don’t know my kids like I do, what makes you think you can jump to that conclusion? Sure, he likes the swing today but yesterday he was screaming his head off in the swing. Why is there even a need to make this type of comparison? Are you trying to prove something to me?”  Rational right? I acknowledge that it is a bit “extra,” but honestly this has been my biggest gripe as a parent of twins thus far.

I don’t need to know that “He doesn’t like to stand as much as she does” or “He doesn’t like to move as much.”  I KNOW this. I watch this heartbreaking activity and lack there of on a daily basis.  Several times a week I am brought to tears with the worry I have about my son.  I have to remind myself of all of the advancements he has made and the things he can do.  He is making great progress in physical therapy.  He rolls back and forth now and loves to be rolling around on the floor! This weekend he sat up for a few minutes – I sat him up and he was able to stay there and play with a toy until he weebled over. He laughs, he smiles, he cries, he takes toys away from his sister – he just does it while staying more centrally located. 

I realize that I am more or less comparing apples to oranges at this point.  I have been made aware by the physical therapist that my daughter is “advanced” for her age with her developmental abilities. She is crawling on all fours (I have yet to see but daycare has reported it), she army crawls everywhere, and has been pulling herself up on things (couches, baskets, tables).  She is apparently a very strong baby – which is ironic all on its own because prior to her birth I had myself convinced that she was going to be this tiny little thing.  :) 

I just don’t want my children to ever think that they aren’t good enough because they can’t do something that their sibling does.  I already try very hard in my language to make sure that I am not making a comparison between them.  I honestly think that will be one of the toughest aspects of parenting twins – making sure they feel equal.  It is hard to have two children (that should be) at the same developmental milestone.  Two children with the same wants and needs.  People have told us that they “know what it is like” because they have two kids.  Here is where I get some of those “rational” thoughts in my head again.  “You may have had two children, but did you have two at the exact same time? Two that both need held, fed, rocked, and soothed in the same manner? Two at the same milestones in life (TEETHING!)?” Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t all bad. You also get to hear two babies laughing and giggling at each other. You get to watch them play and learn together.  You get to watch them develop individually and together all at the same time.  It is an amazing experience thus far and my heart smiles just to think about all the fun we will have in the future.